Decision

Hello. At the time of writing this, it is just before 11 o'clock pm on Tuesday May the sixth in the year 2014. I have made a decision. After viewing a post on a proana site that I frequent talking about a girl who lost 30 pounds in 21 days, I have decided that my approach to proana has been all wrong. All this time, I have been setting myself a calorie limit and, generally, I would eat as much as I could in that day without going over that limit. This way of thinking has led me to binge several times in the past having gone over that limit, be it 500 or 1500, and then going "well I've already gone over," then bingeing. I binged today planning to stay at or under 1000 calories, then when I had 1200, I said fuck it and binged on carbs. My stomach is quite round and I have pretty much undone all of my progress from about the last six days as my stomach had been gradually shrinking. 

Well I have decided to adopt a new mindset. Don't eat. Different from fasting. Fasting tends to have a predetermined point at which a person stops. This might be at a certain weight or when a certain number of days have passed. Also, it has something or things that you might be abstaining from. This would be everything but water in a water fast for example. With my new mindset, I am abstaining from calories. Nothing in, pounds off. What I have decided to do is take on a real proana mindset. Don't eat. There is no limit or calorie cap because the daily goal is always as little food as possible. Whenever there is a choice, the best decision is to not eat. Not, yes I can eat because I have x amount of calories left or I have only eaten x amount of calories today so I can have this. No. No because 0 is the daily goal, everyday, until I reach my goal weight of 115-119 pounds.  

I'm still counting calories, but more than zero is considered failure.

Right, so I can't be too unreasonable with this at first at least because I do play high intensity sport and need energy in order to perform, so the calories I will allow myself to have without guilt will come from healthy smoothies before and after practices and training. That's it. Only for the purpose of energy to perform.

Well, I start this new mindset lifestyle tomorrow. I'm not sure when I'll weigh as I did just binge so my weight must have skyrocketed even if it is just water weight.

Tomorrow's goal is nothing. Wish me luck.