Oh Hi...

 Hey. It's been a while. You look good. I like what you've done with your hair. Oh, me? No, no I'm not here to say that I weigh 115 lbs and look and feel better than I have in ever. Nah. I'm 147 lbs right now. Yeah, I know. Fuck. I think I can vaguely remember my self setting up for reaching my ugw by the end of the summer. Lol no. 

 Oh speaking of ugw, I think that's changed for me. It's more 125-130 lbs now. Well at least to start.

 About a week and a bit ago I weighed in for the first time in *ahem* a long time and saw that I weighed 154 lbs (again). Not surprised? Neither was I. I decided it was time for a diet. Intermittent Fasting anyone? I'm down. I started (and failed a couple times) and have been doing it for the last three days without fail now and I'm now down to 147 lbs. 

 I'm starting off slow. 2 lbs a week hopefully. I kinda like the idea of losing an even 10 kg so I made that my goal when I hit 150 lbs just under a week ago. From 70 kg to 60 kg. I just feel like the kg system is much neater and feels more rewarding. Like it feels better to say "2 kg down, 8 to go," rather than "4 lbs down, 20 to go," y'know?

 Anyway, right now, goal wise, I'm hoping to go at it 2 lbs a week at the least until I reach 130 lbs hopefully by October 13th. After which point I'll slow it down to 1 lb per week until I get to 120 lbs by December 22nd. After that I'll have a good five pound buffer as I gain back up to 125 lbs (ugw) at no more than half a pound a week. I should be back to 125 lbs around March 2nd. From then on its maintenance.

 Hah there's no way it'll be this cut and dry, but I can sure as hell try. And all this I hope to do through mostly IF, so sweet Jesus this could be difficult.

 Well hey at least this will make for a good experiment to see how effective IF is. 

 That's all, folks! Hoping to be 146 by Monday. Wish me luck.

Hunger

 So, yesterday (Sunday), I weighed myself and was 147 lbs! Can I get a what-what? Then I weighed again this morning and was 146. This is the lowest weight I've been since lord knows how long. I'm a little frustrated though because I ate lots of calories in quick succession today (about 1100 in 30 minutes) I'm worried to death that it will make me gain. It was so stupid of me to have done that, but at least it was at 1 in the afternoon. It gives me lots of time between my miniature binge and tomorrow morning's weigh-in. I've decided that, if I gained, I fast tomorrow. If I maintained, 12-4 window. Loss means forgetting about it and moving forward. This is mostly because my GW2 deadline is May 31 and I want to keep on schedule. Assuming that I maintain tomorrow, I have four days to lose two pounds.  I'm praying for a loss, expecting a gain. Ugh. Why did I do that. Well, thankfully I already feel hungry and it's only 9 pm. So, I'm going to sleep hungry, thank god.

 Speaking of hunger, I felt actual hunger for the first time in a long time on Wednesday morning. Now since then, the feeling is something that I don't want to lose. It's almost like an accomplishment whenever I get a hunger pang and it feels like, if I binge, then I'll lose the hunger that I've worked towards and I'll have to start over. So, I think I like feeling hungry. It feels like the fat is melting off whenever I get that feeling. That's pretty fucked up. I need to quit associating hunger with success. 

Giant Update, My Next Weigh-In, and The Latest Diet

 Alright, well it's been a while. Over a week at this point. That's pretty bad, but I'd like to update up until this point and then lay out the plan from here on out.

 So, in my last post (last Wednesday or Thursday I believe?) I weighed in at 148.5 lbs. That was awesome and I was really glad to have been losing. Then, I had a tournament. I don't think I mentioned this in the past, but I do play sports highly competitively. So I left for my tournament on the morning of last Thursday and got back in on Monday night. Over that weekend I consumed copious amounts of food and, when weighing in on Tuesday morning, I clocked in at 153 lbs. No, you didn't read that wrong. I gained 4.5 lbs in 5 days with ease. 

 I felt really horrible, and knew that I had to get my shit together if I wanted to reach GW2 by May 31. Then, for some reason I remembered an episode of Supersize vs Super Skinny where a lady who had been on several fad diets recalled which ones had worked well for her. She talked about a diet where the only requirement was not to eat after 4 in the afternoon. She said the pounds fell off. 

Right, so I'm thinking that this will be great for me because I'm always dealing with bloating and would like to minimize calorie counting, so I did a lot more research. I came across Intermittent Fasting. It was basically what this woman had been doing by not eating after 4. IF is when you fast for certain amounts of time, then eat for whatever amount of time and basically repeat.

 There are several different variations, but the main three are Leangains (or 8 hour diet), Eat Stop Eat (also called 5:2 I believe), and the warrior diet which I am least in favour of. I have been doing Leangains since Tuesday.

 I suppose I'll start with a brief explanation of each Intermittent Fasting method.

 Leangains is when you set yourself with an 8 hour time period that you are allowed to eat within, for the other 16 hours you fast. This method can be done 3 days a week with results, but I believe most people do it daily. The time period I set myself is 8:00 am to 4:00 pm everyday. All other times of the day, I am fasting. Most people set the times later in the day, usually around 12:00 pm to 8:00 pm or 11:00 am to 7:00 pm. This is so that one can still consume dinner at a normal time, especially since it is relatively easy to skip breakfast. I chose to stop eating dramatically earlier in the day for two reasons: 1, to combat bloating and 2, because it's easier for me to skip dinner than to skip breakfast.

 Eat Stop Eat is when you eat as you normally do but choose two days of every week to fast. I guess this one works by lowering your weekly average calories. To me it's a recipe for bingeing. I've tried fasting before for 24 hour periods. The fast would go fine, but I would simply end up overeating the next day to compensate for the lack of food the day before.

 Then, there's the warrior diet. Basically, you eat once a day, at the same time (generally night/dinner time). It's an almost 24 hour fast every single day. Um excuse me no. You are looking at the binge queen right here and this diet is the king. I would absolutely pig out at dinner time if I followed this diet which would lead to a bloated belly and headache every morning. Yeah, no this one's not for me and I'm not sure how successful it is for just about anyone.

 Anyways, it's update time now that I've shared my latest diet and different variations for anyone who is interested. Tonight (Saturday night. 4 days after weighing in at 153 lbs from a weekend of regular eating.) I weighed in at 149 lbs. Yeah. That's a 4 lbs loss in 4 days and this is after a day's worth of food. Also, did I mention that I had competitive beach volleyball practice this afternoon and am currently caked with dirt, getting ready to shower. Yeah. Tuesday morning after peeing and scrubbing myself raw in the shower in the hopes of weighing as little as possible for my weigh-in, I weighed in at 153 lbs. 4 days later after a days worth of food, having eaten my last meal two hours ago and caked with dirt and sweat from a high intensity beach volleyball program, 149 lbs. Ok yeah, Leangains is working for me. Oh, did I mention that I haven't counted a single calorie since Monday? I just ate a lot less. Wtf. I could seriously get used to this.

 Here's to more weightloss.

Second Weigh-In

Alright, so today I had another official weigh-in. I weighed 148.5 lbs. I decided that I'll have a sort of grading system for myself.

So, 4 pounds or more pounds in 1 week is an A+

3.5 lbs = A

3 lbs = A-

2.5 lbs = B+

2 lbs = B

1.5 lbs = C

1 lbs = D

< 1 lbs = FAIL

I guess I just wanted a grading system to keep me on track. This week I got a B+ as I weighed in at 151 lbs last Wednesday. I think I want to stay in the "A" range, so there is more incentive to lose.

I have more to say, but I really want to get this post up today.

Feeling Better and Goal Weight Reached

 Alright, well I'll pick up where I left off yesterday's post. I didn't eat again after that. I worked out for two hours. I still felt horrible. So I purged what little was still early enough in digestion for me to call back up and puke out. I am ashamed of this. I don't want to do it again. It hurt. But I will admit that I felt better afterwards (emotionally) and some of the anxiety from what I had eaten was gone. *Sigh* I will say this now, if you are reading this and want to make yourself sick, don't do it. It doesn't feel good and it will become a pattern. That was not the first and certainly not the last time I have purged. I haven't in a while before yesterday so the relapse is disappointing.

 Anyways, I slept for a while shortly thereafter and, when I woke up this morning I went to the washroom. *TMI warning*  I haven't had a BM in 3 or 4 days and I underwent some serious anxiety trying to get one going this morning. Ah but try as I might, nothing once more. It was particularly painful and fruitless today, however, and I attribute that to the mostly dairy and red meat intake of yesterday. I think I tend to feel more bloated and constipated when I consume dairy as well as meat, so I have decided to work dairy out of my diet for the time being and eat more almonds for a few weeks to see if this will clear up my poor abused bowels. I want to see if dairy is causing my problem, but if I don't see any changes, I will try eliminating red meat as well. 

 So I weighed myself this morning and am down to my first GW of 149 lbs! I'm so glad to be in the 140s as it's been so long since I was at this stage. I'm eager to get down to my LW ever which is 134 lbs. back then I remember finally feeling like my body was taking a nice shape after a LOT of unhealthy starvation and b/p cycle, but my binging came into my life as I made attempts to recover and I ballooned up to 156 lbs with ups and downs inbetween. It's been almost 2 months since I was last 149 so now I'm eager to lose more :)

 7 pounds down, 30 to go. Wish me luck!