Feeling Better and Goal Weight Reached

 Alright, well I'll pick up where I left off yesterday's post. I didn't eat again after that. I worked out for two hours. I still felt horrible. So I purged what little was still early enough in digestion for me to call back up and puke out. I am ashamed of this. I don't want to do it again. It hurt. But I will admit that I felt better afterwards (emotionally) and some of the anxiety from what I had eaten was gone. *Sigh* I will say this now, if you are reading this and want to make yourself sick, don't do it. It doesn't feel good and it will become a pattern. That was not the first and certainly not the last time I have purged. I haven't in a while before yesterday so the relapse is disappointing.

 Anyways, I slept for a while shortly thereafter and, when I woke up this morning I went to the washroom. *TMI warning*  I haven't had a BM in 3 or 4 days and I underwent some serious anxiety trying to get one going this morning. Ah but try as I might, nothing once more. It was particularly painful and fruitless today, however, and I attribute that to the mostly dairy and red meat intake of yesterday. I think I tend to feel more bloated and constipated when I consume dairy as well as meat, so I have decided to work dairy out of my diet for the time being and eat more almonds for a few weeks to see if this will clear up my poor abused bowels. I want to see if dairy is causing my problem, but if I don't see any changes, I will try eliminating red meat as well. 

 So I weighed myself this morning and am down to my first GW of 149 lbs! I'm so glad to be in the 140s as it's been so long since I was at this stage. I'm eager to get down to my LW ever which is 134 lbs. back then I remember finally feeling like my body was taking a nice shape after a LOT of unhealthy starvation and b/p cycle, but my binging came into my life as I made attempts to recover and I ballooned up to 156 lbs with ups and downs inbetween. It's been almost 2 months since I was last 149 so now I'm eager to lose more :)

 7 pounds down, 30 to go. Wish me luck!

Weighed Again

 It seems I can't keep away from the scale. I really want to keep my weigh-ins on just Wednesdays, but I can't go more than two days before the anxiety of not weighing myself sets in. Anyway, despite my period, I've lost another pound and am currently 150 lbs. Considering all the bloating and general gross weight-y feeling, I am doing quite well and am well on my way to my goal of 149 or less come Wednesday.
 I feel so happy to be going about pro-ana the right way this time around. In the past, I would rediscover this way of eating, then I would start eating 500 calories daily right away, then I couldn't go more than maybe two days without bingeing to the point that I felt like my stomach would burst open. This time, I started with 1200, dropped to 1000 this week and ate 900 calories today to balance out the 1100 from Wednesday. My weightloss is still extremely rapid and I've broken my binge free record as today makes the third consecutive day without bingeing. I know it isn't much, but I feel like I can finally get down to the weight that I've always wanted to be and feel comfortable in my own damn body for the first time since I was 7 years old. Fuck I'm so pumped.

 I've actually decided to take before pictures on Wednesday and take pictures weekly until I reach my goal weight. Anyways, I just thought I'd update to keep myself motivated. I'm 6 pounds down and 31 to go. I'll get there!

The Scale Has Shifted

 Ok. Ok, what? I just weighed myself and I'm 151 lbs. I weighed 156-7 lbs two weeks ago which is my highest weight ever. Last week I weighed in at 153-154 lbs. Two or three pound loss in one week, and this is the day after a massive bread binge. Yes. Well. Alright. Well. Ahem, I don't even know how to deal with this news. I was expecting to have to fast my way down to 153 after that fuck up, that is part of the reason why yesterday's post (the very first post on this blog) was so frantic and upset and I was ready to go to extremes like just not eating anything at all for as long as possible. Well, turns out that what I'm doing with the gradual calorie decrease is working, so I will continue to set limits for each day and slowly lower until the limit is about 500 calories.
 This week's daily limit is 1000 calories and I am hoping to be about 149 pounds or less by next Wednesday (Wednesdays are my official weigh-ins, but I often weigh myself daily). It's been so long since I was in the 140s and I really feel like I can get there again if I continue on as I've been doing.
 Losertown (the website I use to estimate weightloss) tells me that I will be about 148.5 lbs next Wednesday on 1000 calories daily. I think I might even be able to go lower than that if this past week is anything to go by.
 Damn, I won't even lie, I can barely believe it. But, I know my scale is accurate, so I just gotta keep moving along. 5 pounds down, 32 to go until I reach my goal weight of 119 pounds. It's happening.